What better way to end a tough year than with some quotes from candidate resumes. On popular demand, these lines were picked from real resumes and cover letters: 
- Marital status: often. Children: various.
- Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. I could not work under those conditions.
- The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
- Finished eighth in my class of ten.
- References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.
- I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
- Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
- Its best for employers that I not work with people.
- Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
- You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
- Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments .
- I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
- I am loyal to my employer at all costs … Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
- I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
- As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
- Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a well known chain store.
- Note: Please don’t miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
May I wish all my readers a Happy New Year. My best wishes for a successful 2014.
Looking forward to catching up with you soon again.
