20 unbelievable quotes from resumes

  • Reading time:3 mins read

What better way to end a tough year than with some quotes from candidate resumes. On popular demand, these lines were picked from real resumes and cover letters: champagne glasses_fuchsia

  1. Marital status: often. Children: various.
  2. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. I could not work under those conditions.
  3. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
  4. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
  5. References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.
  6. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
  7. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
  8. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
  9. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
  10. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
  11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
  12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments .
  13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
  14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs … Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
  15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
  16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
  17. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
  18. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
  19. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a well known chain store.
  20. Note: Please don’t miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

 

5282_holly_-_webMay I wish all my readers a Happy New Year. My best wishes for a successful 2014.
Looking forward to catching up with you soon again.

Tom Sorensen

Tom Sorensen is an executive search veteran with over 25 years of experience recruiting in Asia, Europe, and Africa. He has worked in executive search in Thailand since 2003 and is recognized as one of the country’s top recruiters and most profiled headhunters.